Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
