I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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