I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
