i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
