she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
