guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
