nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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