i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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