Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
