so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
