i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
