when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
