Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want a musical about memes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
