I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
