Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
