Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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