i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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