Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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