Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
