do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
