I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
