Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
