You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
4 words: hood of his car
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
