u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
