If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
