I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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