"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
