dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
