im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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