That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
