For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
