My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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