So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
