Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
