Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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