Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
