Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
