you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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