people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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