I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
