I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
