And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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