His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
