At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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