Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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