Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
