Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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