Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
