omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I could fuck to npr.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
