o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
