you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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