So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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