Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
