I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
