Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize