doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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