I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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