Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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