Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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