Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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