Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I lost the right to judge tonight
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
